FAMILIAR

Portraits of Hazel, taken by me.

If any of you are wondering, yes, my shoot with Hazel was on the same day as my shoot with Pia (see last post). And, yes, their outfits did somehow resemble each other and I swear, they did not talk about it. I may have also kept hidden a denim polo inside my bag as well but Manila's humid weather made me not wear it. Nonetheless, we all had matching white shoes that day. Again, we did not talk about this.

I enjoyed shooting (the photography kind) both Pia and Hazel that day and it was especially nice to see two familiar faces after such a long time. 

If you want to see more of Hazel's portraits, you can check them out over at my Behance: behance.net/monicapadillo.

Again, I am up for collaborations. If you're a blogger or a model who is need of a photographer, please e-mail me at monbpadillo@gmail.com. I would be more than happy to work with any of you.

NEUTRAL

Portraits of Pia, taken by me.

It's been a while since I last did a portrait shoot and I forgot how good it feels to be able to use my camera like this again. My relationship with photography has been going on and off as I have to constantly deal with anxiety trying to prevent me from approaching people. It doesn't help being an introverted photographer but I'm working on that.

But anyway, I'm quite content with what I have produced in this set of photos. It also helped a lot that Pia wore such neutral or light colors which is a look that I actually wanted to go for. Hopefully, I get to do more of these soon.

I have another set of portraits to release soon. Don't worry, I already have them scheduled for next week.

If you want to see more of Pia's portraits, you can check them out over at my Behance: behance.net/monicapadillo. Go and give 'em an 'appreciate' please. 

Also, I am most definitely up for collaborations. If you're a blogger or a model who is need of a photographer, please e-mail me at monbpadillo@gmail.com. I would be more than happy to work with any of you.

PILILLA WIND FARM

Pililla Wind Farm, Rizal, 07/17/2016

My family and I spent one Sunday on a day trip to Rizal which is only one to two hours away from Manila. It's fairly new as its construction began in 2013. I heard it's smaller than the ones at Ilocos Norte but I have yet to see those for a better comparison.

AFTER A WHILE

"If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try." -Seth Godin

The quote mentioned above may either pertain to two things: first, that one time last week when my friend and I went to Quiapo for a shoot. Quiapo isn't exactly the safest place in Manila so taking out my camera felt like a huge risk. But it's usually the most photographed place as well, what with its busy market life. It's also where the truly religious people go to visit the Quiapo church. It basically teems with life of the common people and it's truly enjoyable for street photographers to be able to take photos of such a place.

Second, my current hunt for a good first job. After graduation, I felt like I needed to be more of an "adult" and try to do things on my own by immediately looking for work. When a month had passed and I found myself still staying at home, I wanted to scream. I realized that this is the reality of unemployment and I feel like I haven't even experienced the worst of it yet. But I continued to apply and, fortunately, a few companies have responded.

It's been about two months since I graduated from college, two months that I've been sending out applications and going to interviews. It's true; job hunting is hard, but to be honest, I no longer feel pressured like I used to about a month ago.

I found that it's hard to convince ourselves of a certain thought unless someone says it to us, that doing something that we're not familiar with is the one thing that we actually need to accomplish. During my perpetual anticipation of my potential first job, I gathered up a lot of thoughts about what I wanted to do and I realized that it's okay to put myself out there.

It's okay to try something new, to meet new people, to be in a new environment. While I initially learned this while being in college, it feels like I'm experiencing this for the first time again. A part of me wants to stay as I am, to do things according to my strengths, while the other part of me wants to step out of my comfort zone. It's quite daunting (for an introvert like me) but I want to welcome it.

Also, I've been told several times that it's alright for me to take a break, to take advantage of my "free time" since that concept will soon be gone in my life. I've been told that it's going to be okay. Period. And I believe that now.

...

I think the quote is about the first point. Definitely.

MESSY

For those of you who don't know, I recently just graduated from college with a bachelor's degree in Journalism. Quite frankly, and I believe all eight thousand and one graduates from my school think the same, it still feels so surreal. I cannot believe that it has been four years of college education which consisted of unbelievable work piles and deadlines, uncontrollable anxiety attacks, mental and emotional (and occasionally physical) breakdowns, as well as pleasant lunch breaks with friends, #maturetalks, block jokes and puns, and many more.

It was one hell of an experience. It has only been a few days since we walked up the stage and were officially called "graduates" and I already miss everything: my school, my block, and my friends.  

I've been preparing myself for those "welcome to the real world" comments but I'm still in denial. The "real world" (which should be called the "adult world" because there's no such thing as a "fake world") sounds so scary that it makes me want to stay in bed and hide under my sheets. But, ah, one must survive by working hard for money. Curses.

But seriously though, I try my best to not be intimidated by "jobs" and other adult things. I want to gradually accept that this is a new chapter in my life that can change my world. I swear, if my high school student self could see me now, she'd probably be surprised.

In this new chapter, I would like to be able to be more "outgoing" (so many words inside quotation marks already in this post). I would also like to hone my skill in photography. Hopefully, I'll find the courage to go out of my comfort zone and just. talk. to. people. Introvert problems.

That's it for now, I guess. This blog has been a mess this senior year. Please accept another apology. I also hope I get to be more active here. I still enjoy leisure writing.

JOURNBEATS

After months of idleness, I finally got to use my camera once again to shoot portraits, all thanks to one of my classmates, Yani, for taking me as their dance group's photographer (it was partly for one of our finals project as well).

I forgot how good it felt to take and post-process non-personal photographs. Hopefully I get to do more of these soon but for now, I just want some alone time with my anime and k-dramas. (Don't judge me. People change.)

Also, I made a Behance earlier this year so that I could have a separate place for my portfolio. You may check out the other photos from this set in here.

GONE TOO LONG

I know, I know. 

I've become so bad at keeping this blog alive for the past few months and I am truly sorry for the lack of posts. I do have photos that I would like to share but maybe soon (and when I mean soon, I mean maybe within this or next week).

A lot has happened recently since I last posted. February and March were a rush of deadlines and family reunions and a broken diet. April was such a slow month for me. In April, I spent two days for thesis (because of the deadline for the final submission to the department) which left me completely sleep deprived like I have never been before that I couldn't talk any sense to anybody. I had to always say a disclaimer before saying something. Somehow, I still managed to think.

After submitting our thesis, we then had to prepare for defense. The feelings of nausea and crippling anxiety, however, was what made preparing for it horrible. Defense was like an intense reporting wherein your only point of reference is your own paper. And the idea of not being able to defend it well enough was what made me and my thesis mates fear the most.

Nonetheless, our defense went quite well. We were recommended minor revisions and you can just imagine my friends and I jumping for joy of finally getting through the dreaded thesis defense.

A week later, we had our journ ball which was probably the closest thing I could get to a prom. It was quite a big deal for me because it was something that I have never experienced before. I haven't picked a dress and done my hair and make-up in about two years when I was still in the 'debut' era of my life so fixing myself up felt a little new to me again. 

My friends dressed so beautifully that night. Like the theme of the ball which was entitled Tala, meaning the night sky, everyone shined like stars. I honestly felt like a dim light with my self-made make-up and hair, but it later didn't matter as I was able to spend a night with my friends (plus a facetime session with Maera as she didn't go).

After Tala, we had to focus on our academics again. Would you believe that it's finals week, probably the last finals week we are ever going to have in our lives? Well, not to all of us but just the most of us.

When finals week is over, that's it. That's (hopefully) the end of our academic lives.

My freshman self did not think this far. Even my senior self didn't think I would go this far.

This is all unbelievable.

It is currently 11:40 P.M. and thoughts of graduating and finding a job and just living life in general is overwhelming me. How do people go through this and move on? It's going to be so hard to sleep now.

Quite frankly, let's save that type of conversation for another time. I promise that I'll do that blog post, hopefully within the month. *sighs* But anyway, that's what I can update for now. No photos, just words.

I'll be back.